PB Millionaire Overview

Let me start off by saying I am ridiculously excited about this series of  blogs that is about to occur. I am literally, literally hyper ventilating about the cynical thoughts that about to come out my brain, down my fingers and into your computer screen.

Jim Lawlor

Jim Lawlor

Why am I so excited you ask? Well, let me introduce you to Jim Lawlor.

Seems like a normal enough guy right? Okay okay. NOW please direct your browsers to PBMillionaire.com.

UPDATE: He has now changed his website and branding to: pbreality.com A little different, but still just as terrible.

Take a second. Soak it in. I’ll give you a minute to browser around and check out all the fantasticness of his site. Let me know when your ready for my analysis of The PB Millionaire.

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Yep. That just happened. NO I didn’t make up this website, post ridiculous fake pictures, make up a ridiculous back story about a fake millionaire douche bag, who lives in a castle in PB for the purposes of this blog. Though it might appear that way, I promise you this guy is 100 percent real. Well, real in the sense, that he’s a real douche.

There’s just so much to talk to, where to start. I think I’m going to have to do this in a 2 parts.

This first blog is going to be just about the PB Millionaire himself, his glorious invention, his 11 friends on myspace, and other stalkerish things I can find out about him.

Part two will be about the website it self, taking a deep dive into the videos and photos on the webpage.

So I guess I do a summary of this guy to get us all on the same page.

Summary:
Apparently this guy invented something, became a millionaire. Bought a castle in PB. And now he spends his time throwing lavish parties and outings with hookers, I mean models..  He also had a “website designed with the intention of improving my social life, overcoming my shyness, and possibly creating a buzz for a prospective reality show.” Wow…..

Before I even began my analysis of his website, I did my homework. Hardcore. I researched, like a creep, anything and everything there was to know about the PB millionaire, so I could come in and make a fair analysis of his situation. I just didn’t want to base my opinion on his one shitty website. Maybe he just had a bad web master, who portrayed him to be a douche bag. It turns out quite the opposite. Who ever does his web design, videographer and photography are fucking miracle workers. Believe it or not, this guy is WORSE than what he appears to be on this finely polished website.

My thoughts of PB Millionaire:

First of all, oh my fucking god, are you serious. Secondly, no seriously, are you fucking serious? For those of you that don’t know Jim Lawlor as intimately as I do, let me fill you on some history. At some point Jim invented something and became a “Millionaire”, it’s unclear if he’s always been a douche, or became one after he became “rich”.  You’re probably wondering, what fantastic invention did he invent!? Was it something to better mankind, peace on earth, maybe a cure for cancer?  Maybe it was something complicated, involving cold fusion or sharks with lasers?

Nope. He “invented” spray goggles. Yep. Spray goggles that have a film over the lenses. So when you vision gets blocked by paint on your goggles, you turn a crank and pull over a new clean film over your lenses. See Safetyamerica.com

I mean sure it’s a good idea, and probably got some practical use, but someone can actually become a “millionaire” from something as terrible as this? Whatever. Fine, so he sells these things on his 1996 looking website, and has enough to buy a castle in PB. How he sells anything on that website is baffling.

After my stalker research I found out his address and it turns out he doesn’t even live in PB. I’m not going to give his actual address because that might be a bit much.

That’s not PB. Don’t kid yourself. According to google you live in a place called Jolla Mesa. And google is never wrong. Never.

Continuing my stalking I found his facebook fan page, with a grand total of 3 fans and his myspace with a whooping 11 friends. I may or may not have over 350 fans of my blog on facebook and 677 friends on myspace. I’m just saying. That doesn’t make me better than him, but it does. And let’s be honest. People have friends for a reason. When someone doesn’t have any friends on a social network it’s probably because no one likes them enough to be friends, even in cyberspace. Which is rough, because the interweb lets all kinds of people that wouldn’t be friends be friends.

According to his myspace he’s 43. Dude, you’re too old for PB. Was RanchoBernardoMillionaire.com already taken? I think its at 32 years old, when PB bars actually stop letting you in. It’s not okay for you to be in PB anymore.  Stop. You’re the creepy old guy. I’m 25 and I’m almost too old for PB.

This was just part one, a pretense to the actual blog. Part two is coming soon, fully exploring his website, and some gems of youtube videos I found on him. Get excited.
Here it is…..

He’s since removed a lot of his sketchy youtube videos, so the video links are broken…sorry.

I’m back. With a fury. Sorry for the delay. That thing called real life got in the way. But you’ll be happy to know that real life goes great, not that anyone of you actually cares.

So where was I? That’s right. King of the douche bags. PB Millionaire. You might want to read this blog, as a refresher as to who this tool bag is. But in summary, basically this  guy invented some crappy safety glasses, made some money, lives in a “castle” in north PB, throws parties where he pays “models” to hang out with him, is trying to start a reality show based on him and calls himself PB Millionaire.

UPDATE: He has now changed his website and branding to: www.pbreality.com A little different, but still just as terrible.

Take a second. Soak it in. I’ll give you a minute to browser around and check out all the fantasticness of his site. Let me know when your ready for my analysis of The PB Millionaire.
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And go.

I forgot how angry this guy makes me. So I don’t know about you, but initially when I tried to load the page, it came back with some type of error because it’s trying to play music in some wacky format my browser didn’t understand. Awesome?  I consider myself a pretty savvy interweb user, so I was initially confused when I couldn’t load this guy’s sweet default music on his main page. Maybe he is so advanced, he is coding his webpage in the future? I tried in Mozilla, nope. Safari, nope. Only when I loaded his page up in Internet Explorer 6.0 did I get to experience his awesomely annoying default music. I should have just loaded up netscape 2.0 to see if this page would load more effectively in that browser.

PB Millionaire

P.S. doesn’t he know how fucking annoying it is to go to a website and have music automatically start playing!?
If I went to google.com and music started to play every single time, I would punt my computer into the face of the guy that’s responsible for that code. I’m just saying, it would be pretty fucking annoying. And I’m pretty sure HE DOES NOT own rights to that song to have it playing his website.

Also, I have a correction, I thought PB millionaire stood for Pacific Beach Millionaire, it turns out it actually stands for Philanthropist Bachelor Millionaire. I don’t know what philanthropy he actually does, but well get into that later.

So he’s 43, and lives in a castle? I haven’t wanted to live in a castle since I was 7. Were they out of all the grown up houses? But I digress. Focus.

We’re going to make this an interactive blog. I’m going to walk you through his webpage, breaking it down, page by page, picture by picture, inch by inch, analyzing and sharing my thoughts on the PB Millionaire.

Please navigate to the first section “PB Millionaire”.

This is the “In His Own Words” section….

In his own words

Please navigate to the “Angels” section…

I don’t even know where to begin with the “Photo Gallery” section. There is just so much, maybe I’ll make it a separate blog. But in summary, there is something SUPER creepy about the photos. It’s him and 15 girls. It’s fun once. Gets to be weird the next 3 times. Sure it’s every guys fantasy to go out with 15 girls, I guess? Normal people have both, guy and girl friends. I guess guy hookers are harder to find? I joke….

Onto the videos. I hate him. So much.
Just watching his videos makes me want to punch babies. This first video:

Set’s the tone, he does an introduction, talks about how it’s gotten to that point that he can’t do anything without a secretary….he has 4 secretary’s!? I don’t even think the governor has 4 secretaries.

One of my favorite parts of the video occurs 1:14 into it.
“I solve my problems with money. Here. Now go away.”

Cool!!

1:48 – Why is he asking her “What is the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done?” 

WHAT!? I thought he was a philanthropist? Ohhh it’s for his sleezy millionaire girls calendar. Okay. That makes it okay to ask a girl half his age about the time she had sex on the hood of a car. Classy. Lucky for her, only 13 people have watched that video.

2:27 – “Who’s here to be in our calendar?” – PB Millionaire.
One girl, out of 10 raises her hand. Nice.

Video two (It was removed, unfortunately):

0:24 – “When you, ahhh, experience this, aaaah, technique I do, it pretty much makes your desires come true.” – PB Millionaire

I just vomited in my mouth. What the hell is he talking about!? What technique!?

I also found his secret youtube site!

Please enjoy these ridiculous awkward videos.

PB CASTLE- St. Patty Interview

0:04 – He is SOOOO awkward. Not even 4 seconds into the video and he has already made me feel uncomfortable. She asked you “Are you having fun yet!?” to which he responded with “Whaaaaat, what?”.

0:20 – Interupts himself off after he starts talking about how he “just works here”, with “soo how you doing?” She seems confused by his answers, and awkward questions.

0:55 – He turns into a jerk. And forgets how to interact with humans.

1:13 – “Wasn’t that a great interview” – PB Millionaire

PB CASTLE- St. Patty Interview 2

0:06 – At least you made it 6 seconds this time before you became completely weird. What the hell are you doing!? You’re throwing the host off.  Please pay attention.

0:12 –  “I just work here” – PB Millionaire
Oh my god. Please stop saying that. It’s not funny anymore.

0:22 – When smoker red head is asked about the party, her response is “we just got here”. What an interesting interview. This house is just filled with interesting people.

0:56 – After threatening how lucky the interviewer is to be there, he proclaims again “I just work here….”.I blame the interviewer for laughing the first time, letting him think it was okay to use that “joke” over and over an over.

Mostly the youtube videos are from the Super Bowl party. The interviews are done by a loud burnette named Parker, who seems to lack the ability to ask questions people understand. Here’s my favorite interview of the night:

Super Bowl Party Interview Luke

Acid is a hell of drug.

Finishing up strong on his website, on his charities page. It just seems like he typed in the word “Charity” into google and these were the top 4 that popped up. I mean these are great charities, but they just seem so generic to be his “passion” for giving back. For the record. It’s great that he gives money, and yada yada, but unless he is actually donating his time and doing something, I wouldn’t consider him a philanthropist. I do ten times more outreach/philanthropy than this guy. I’m not bragging, it’s just a fact. Nor am I trying to sell myself as this single philanthropist. Though I could….
Maybe I should buy PBAlmostMillionaire.com.

PB Millionaire  if you’re r reading this….let’s be friends? Share This Post!

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