Hello. Welcome. Have a seat. So, as I type this, and you are now reading this, I am sitting in my living room, work clothes have been removed, there’s a delicious looking and heavenly smelling, California burrito next to my laptop, and Modern Family is playing in the background. Now you may think, this is my typical Wednesday after work routine, and you would be mostly right. I think this scenario is fairly typical minus the California burrito. Oh, and there’s nachos. I forgot to mention there’s nachos. So yeah there’s a California burrito and a full plate of nachos. And there’s a Slurpee. And that’s it. Burrito, nachos and a blue (because that’s a flavor) Slurpee. Yes. You are correct. Yes, I am eating my feelings. No. No, I didn’t realize it until I got home and had to move things off my desk area, just to make room for my 4000 calorie dinner.
Why I am doing this? That’s a great question, because today was supposed to be the day. Today was supposed to be my first “1st Date” in months. MONTHS. I’m talking 6 plus months. And whatever whatever, she canceled because work. Which seems legit, and that’s fine, that’s not what this blog is about.
*UPDATE: So her work excuse is seeming less and less legit….she canceled 3 days ago, and hasn’t responded to my text messages since….LOLOLOLOLOL…LOL…sigh. But let’s continue on…
This blog is about me sharing my disappointment with some friends that the date did not happen, and there response of:
“WHAT’S THE RUSH?
I hate when I’m telling someone about my dating woes, and how I feel like I’m “never going to meet anyone, wha wha wha”, and they respond with “What’s the rush, you’re only 31. You can have kids until you’re 50”. I FUCKING KNOW. I FUCKING KNOW HOW MEDICAL SCIENCE WORKS. THANK YOU BILL NYE THE FUCKING SCIENCE GUY.
Sorry for the all caps, but that’s how intense I feel about it. Please, please, do not and try and explain why it’s okay that I’m not dating anyone, or don’t have any prospects, because medical science says, I can have children all the way up until I’m 50. First of all, you’re wrong, google it clown, after about 40 years old there is a significant decrease in my ability to have children, and an significant increase in health risk during the pregnancy of that child. Google that shit.
And just because medical science says I CAN wait until I’m 40 to reproduce, that doesn’t mean I SHOULD wait until I’m 40. It’s like saying, you can drink two cups of cat blood and not die, so we should all go out and drink 2 cups of cat blood, just because science says we can. Wow, that was a really dark analogy. Not my best. Sorry. But you get the point.
And believe it or not, this isn’t even about my ability to have kids.
It’s about dispelling the belief that just because I want to be in a monogamous relationship, that is preferably with the person I am going to marry, sooner than later, doesn’t mean I’m in a rush. It just means I’m tired of wasting time. What do I mean wasting my time? I mean, I want to be doing fun, amazing, remember-able, adventures, activities and travels with my forever person. Even if I’m not married to that forever person yet. And yes, I can do all those things now, and do those things now. But, and I think you will all agree, that there are just some things you would prefer to do with a companion that you are dating, someone you care about. For example, I have a Groupon addiction. I buy up Groupons like it’s my job. More specifically groupons that are fun and different “date like activities”. I am currently the owner of a pasta making class, a painting and wine class and sunset dinner cruise. I bought them with the optimism and over romanticized idea that these would be super cute date ideas. Yeah, I’m a 31 year old heterosexual male and just said the words “super cute date ideas”. And look, I don’t buy Groupons because I’m “cheap”, Groupon is just a great enabler and an excuse to do these fun things. I’m not going to pull out a coupon at dinner on our dates, promise. But I will suggest we go to this fun pasta making class because it looks like fun and it was too cheap not to buy.
Sure I could do these things with a friend, and it would be fun. But I would rather do it with someone I “care” about, which completely changes the experience of these things. At least, I think it does? Maybe I live in a shitty romantic comedy and this isn’t real life. But in my experience I enjoy doing date like things with someone I am dating. AND how awesome would it be to look back with my wife in 10 years and remember the time I undercooked our pasta at the pasta making class and I had diarrhea for 3 days. Well, again, bad example, but the idea is I want to start creating memories with my forever person. It doesn’t mean I’m in a rush, it just means I’m ready for it happen.
AND people are always saying shit like “Oh, you’re still young, you’re only 31, you’ve got plenty of time”. I mean, I guess. But I don’t really have “that” much time. Let’s do some math.
Let’s pretend for arguments sake my end goal in life, is to have a child with my wife. Let’s pretend.
I’m going to walk you through reasonable timeline for dating, length of engagement and pregnancy.
Side note: Maybe that’s why I’m single, I make infographics to explain my feelings.
1.) Let’s say I meet the person of my dreams, the person I am going to marry Today.
2.) So, minimum, we date for a year before I propose. I’m now 32.
3.) It takes time to plan a wedding, most people are engaged for 13-18 months (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/04/average-engagement-length_n_2411353.html), I’m going to say it takes a year for arguments sake. I’m now 33 and married. Boom.
4.) Let’s say I knock her up ON the wedding day, 10 months later my first child comes out. I’m now 34.
Which is fine, but that’s IF I met her today and IF all of the shortest REASONABLE time estimates are used for dating, engagement, and pregnancy. But since I currently don’t see anyone else in my living room as I write this blog, I’ll guess I’ll have to wait until tomorrow.
And look, I know a lot of you internet clowns are going to be like “But Steven, me and my now ex-husband got engaged only after dating for 6 weeks” or “But Steven, I planned my wedding for 32 people and which took place at Chuckie Cheese, in only 6 weeks” or “But Steven, I got knocked up during a game of just the tip after only dating for 6 weeks”. YES, it is possible to condense my timeline. Absolutely. But that’s why I said this is a REASONABLE timeline. In reality, the time you date is typical longer, the time you take to plan an engagement is longer and people usually wait longer than the first day of getting married to have children.
I guess in summary, there is nothing you could possible say to convince me that I shouldn’t want to be in a serious relationship as soon as possible. The “What’s the rush”, “You’re still young”, and “Medical science has come so far!” logic and reasoning won’t work on me.
I’m 31. And I know what I’m looking for and I’m ready to find it.
Maybe I’m the only one who feels this way? That feels like “it’s time” I meet my forever person. Everyone always tries to convince me otherwise. Your thoughts? And comments and go: