If you have been registered on Tinder for quite a long time, but haven’t had any date yet this article is for you. You may ask: “Why do I get no matches on Tinder?”. I will answer you right now! Let’s just get started.
1. Profiles shouting “I’m a Mother”
2. 5-year old photos
I mean congrats on being a cute kid, but are you really trying to attract that guy that sees a photo of you at your 5th birthday party and is like “Daaaaaaamn guuuuurl, can’t wait to swipe that ass right.” Also it makes me think that you peaked when you were 5. Stop living in 1989. It’s time to move on.
3. Which one are you?
It is literally, mathematically impossible to tell which one YOU are when all you have is 3 pictures of you and the same girl. I’m all about pictures wit you and your friends, to show you have friends, BUT have different friends, so I can figure out which one YOU are.
I swiped her to the left, because the only logical conclusion I could think of, was that this girl (either Girl A or Girl B) was a mega bithc and didn’t have any other friends. And nobody wants to date a mega bitch.
4. Including a Private Instagram Page to the Tinder Profile
Don’t include Your Instagram Page If you have it set to private. Don’t link me to your instagram account, only to have me feel like a stalker because it’s set to private!? I mean, of course I’m going to follow you, like 5 to 9 of your pictures immediately, and then wait for you to follow me back, but I would just feel less creepy about the whole situation if you didn’t have your profile set to private.
5. Content, content, content.
When filling your Tinder profile it’s important not to be an oversharer.
Example A. I mean, I am all about full disclosure, but maybe until the second date?
Also, don’t be to braggy with your content. Like that beach on the second picture. Why are you on Tinder? To brag about your amazing HUSBAND?? Or maybe, she’s a cheating whore? She did mention “he will be deployed for a year”. Either way, I swiped her right, still no word yet.
6. Oh, so you have arms too?
I see a lot of pictures like these. Like aa lot. And I know they are meant to show that they’re not fat. BUT there has to be a classier way to display you body. They don’t even pretend like they tried to include their faces. Or maybe they are showing that they have arms? I like girls with arms.
The Midsection Group Picture
So, and your friends have arms too? Cool story. It so hard to tell which one you even are BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE FUCKING HEADS. Don’t do a group midsection photo. Don’t.
The correct way to show a midsection photo.
Let’s be honest, If you are going to show a midsection with no head there should only be one reason not to include your face. It’s to show how “smart” you are. These girls are doing right. Keep it classy Tinder.
7. The smartest girl on Tinder.
This girl is a mother fucking genius. No Joke! She can meet new clients anonymously, and there’s no cops on Tinder. This girl is an entrepreneur, and innovator. She is basically the Mark Zuckerberg of Tinder. Well done. Well done. I hope she doesn’t get murdered be creeps on Tinder.
8. Low Resolution Pictures
It’ the year 2019, there is literally no excuse for a picture that looks like it was taken in 1993. Based on this picture I made few assumptions:
- This picture I from 1998 and in the last 21 years she has aged terribly and probably looks like a female Danny Devito.
- She’s poor and doesn’t have a smartphone after the year 2002.
- She has poor friends, who also don’t have cell phones from this decade
- She is time traveling and this picture s doing the thing in Back to The Future, where unless she stops Biff in time, her family will disappear.
I kind of want to date this girl, just to take a picture of her.
So share this post with your female friends on Tinder for the to avoid such mistakes!
Would love to hear your comments of stories and tales from Tinder!